Why Snow Baby lives in the closet

My Grandma fancied herself a folk singer. She fancied herself a lot of things--a gypsy, a good cook, half-Finnish instead of half-Russian in the middle of the Cold War. But I digress.

She used to sing us these songs, most of which I always assumed she made up, at least in part. But they were the kinds of songs that you pick up, and you start singing, and you keep singing until one day you're rocking your own kids to sleep with a Grandma classic.

The true test of whether or not you are a true Logan is your opinion of "Two Little Children." It's a lovely little melody, the lyrics and score of which hang in a frame on my parents' living room wall, and the only lullaby that can put my kids to sleep every single time--they, therefore, are true Logans. Other children, though, may run and hide and scream with their hands over their ears upon hearing the first bar.

Why?

Let me share the lyrics with you, and you can be the judge:

"Two little children, a boy and a girl,
Sat down by the old church door.
The little girl's feet were as brown as the curls
that fell on the dress that she wore.

The boy's coat was faded
and hatless his head;
a tear shone in each little eye.
'Why don't you go home to your Mama?' I said,
and this was the maiden's reply.

'We're too little to earn our bread,' she said.
'Jim's five, and I'm only seven.
There's noone to love us since Daddy is gone,
and our darling Mama's in heaven.

Our Daddy got lost out to sea long ago,
We waited all night on the shore.
For he was a sea-going captain, you know,
and he never came home anymore.

Our Mama got sick, angels took her away,
she said, to her home warm and bright.
She said she would come back to get us someday;
perhaps she is coming tonight.

Or perhaps there's no room up in Heaven, she said,
for two darling angels to keep.
She then placed her hand upon little Jim's head,
she kissed him, and then fell asleep.'

The preacher came early to ring the church bell,
he found them beneath the snow white.
The angels found room for two darlings to dwell
in Heaven, with Mama, tonight."

So yeah, I have no idea why any kid would dislike that song.

Anyhow, it's never bothered me. I sing it daily as I sniff my baby's neck.

But then my aunt shows up with this thing at Christmas. This...well, it looks like this:

Except it's plush. And creepy as I don't know what.

My brother, who also grew up with "Two Little Children," who doesn't know the words but hums along when I snuggle with Goose and sing it to him, runs out of the room. I'm still speechless.

Later on, after our aunt has left, I pull it back out of the gift bag. LB smacks it and cries, and Donut Boy yells at me to put it away.

"Okay, you're a grown man. What's your problem?"

"It's one of the two little children! Put it away!!"

Dear lord, he's right.

And my baby cannot play with one of the two little children. The two little children were meant to lull children to sleep; failing that, they were only meant to terrify in a completely abstract sense. The two little children were not meant to come to life.

So she's hanging out in the closet, peeking out at me whenever I go to get diapers. I shudder, and then I sing another of Grandma's song.

Let's hope my aunt can't find a Barney Google (with the goo-goo-googly eyes) for her birthday.